History 101... (Albert's POV and Pencil's POV)

We had our History 101 class today. We very recently had had our semester final, which was a cinch. It takes more than seven short answer questions and a zillion different answer choices to rattle the great Albert Penstein...hold on.

Argh, stop it, Mom, no one thinks disco is cool!

Okay, I'm back. So, yeah. History final, blah blah blah. I try to appear confident, since, you know, I'm quite the ladies' man...

Stop laughing, Pencil, you know it's true.

...plus Penelope needs to know that she has a strong shoulder to cry on if she ever needs it.

So I walked into History today and our test results were posted on the board. Every one was gathered 'round talking and checking their scores. I pushed my way through and scanned the list for my name. When I found it, I followed the page to my results, knowing, like always, that they would be perfect. So I received quite the surprise when I saw the score.

I got a 57.

I was very upset about this. Colleges do NOT accept 57's. But I wanted to appear cool, so I just said, "Yeah, I flunked that on purpose. I went to a party and didn't feel like studying, so, yeah..." and just walked away. Didn't I handle that well?

Pencil's POV
Okay, I'm cutting in here, as it seems my friend Albert over here needs a little help telling the story.
He, in fact, did not handle that well. When he saw the results, he squealed like a little girl and huddled up in a ball in the corner. Then he stood and ripped the paper off the board.

"NO!" he screamed. "I loved you! I studied you for hours, working my rear end off trying to pass you, and this is how you repay me?"

His voice lowered, and everyone stopped talking. "I hope you know that there was once a boy who cared about you more than life itself. And you just sat back and crushed his dreams. You let all of his hopes and cares and fantasies wither away in front of your very eyes. And you gave him a 57." He turned and threw the paper into the air. He screamed, "Evil, thy name be History 101!"

He fell to his knees and buried his face in his hands. All was silent. Then, one by one, the class began giggling. Then snorting. Then roaring with laughter. I went up to Albert and said, "You know, if law school doesn't work out, you could always be an actor." He just glared at me.

It was even funnier when the teacher walked in and said he'd mixed up Albert's score with another girl's. Huh, good thing Penelope wasn't there. And no, Albert, I will not be quiet. I'm telling a story here and you're ruining my vibe.

So, yeah, that's what really happened. Whose story do you believe--mine or Albert's?

Party Dilemma (Penelope's POV)

     Okay, yes, I kind of laughed when Albert got oatmeal in the face. It was funny, especially since Albert 'hates' oatmeal ;).
     I'm in a bit of a dilemma right now, because Jeff Scribble is inviting all the cheerleaders like me to a party on Saturday and I really want to go. It's not like I like Jeff or anything. I think he's really mean  to Albert. But I do sort of, kind of care if all of my cheerleading friends are going to be there having fun. I mean, I can't miss out on that sort of thing.
     My problem is, Albert might be offended if he finds out that I went. After the food fight, he was really upset about it and declared that he would never associate himself with Jeff Scribble. In an attempt to cheer him up, Pencil and I agreed, and all was fresh as daisies again. But I don't want to hurt Albert's feelings. I asked Pencil's advice, and he said--oh, hold on, I got a text.


Ha! LOL...


     I asked Pencil's advice, and he said that I should totally go (although I don't know if that was such a good idea, as Pencil's purpose in life is to drive Albert crazy). All of my friends are going. I've been to Jeff's parties before, and they're really fun. But my friendship with Albert may be temporarily on the line.

What do you think? What should I do?

Thanks,

Albert Gets Oatmeal in the Face and Other Natural Disasters (Narrator's POV)

     It was a regular day at Pencilworld High School: students who had had too much coffee were bouncing off the walls, students who had normal amounts of coffee were chatting about the latest gossip, and students who didn't have coffee at all were wondering around like zombies.
     Albert, Pencil, and Penelope had just escaped--er, gotten out--of Professor Ticonderoga's class, which was so boring that even the students with too much coffee sat down as soon as he said in his low, monotonous voice, "Welcome to class. I'm so happy you are here today. Today we will delve down into the rich history of..."
     "I'm hungry. Do you know what they're serving in the cafeteria?" Penelope asked as they walked down the hall.
     "I read on the menu that we're having breakfast for lunch today," quipped Albert, "which I'm highly disappointed in, because if we don't have a proper lunch we won't be able to get proper nutrition, which may lead to..." He stopped as Pencil held up a hand.
     "Dude, if you don't stop saying stuff like that nobody cares about, you're going to end up like Professor Ticonderoga. Old, boring, alone in life--"
     "Okay, okay, I get it!"
     They walked into the cafeteria, which smelled like Waffle House and IHOP. When it was their turn to get their food, the grouchy lunch lady plopped a ladle-full of squishy oatmeal onto their plates. "Eww," Penelope moaned as they walked towards thei regular table. "I hate oatmeal!"
     "Me too," said Albert, who was quick to agree with anything Penelope said.
     "But you had oatmeal just this morning, remember? You said it was a great source of--" Pencil, who often liked to thwart Albert's attempts, was cut short when Albert kicked him in the shin. Penelope smiled but said nothing.
     When they reached their table, Penelope was about to sit down when a voice called out to them. "Hey, Penny!" Albert groaned. It was his arch-nemesis and Penelope-competition, Jeff Scribble.
     Jeff strutted over to their table. He was the school's most popular jock, and the envy of all the guys  in terms of his being a lady-magnet. Penelope turned to greet him.
     "How's it going, Penny?" he asked, ignoring Albert and Pencil.
     "I told you, Jeff, it's Penelope, not Penny," she said, smiling but raising an eyebrow.
     "Ah, Penelope's too long. So, anyway, I just came over here to invite you to sit with us--you know, at the cool table instead of with these losers. Oh, Pencil, you can come too if you want. But, oh," he turned to Albert, "sorry, buddy, we already have a footrest. But if we spill something, we'll call you, okay?"
     The entire cool table laughed. Albert turned red.
     "Sorry, Jeff, I promised I'd sit with these guys today. Maybe next time," said Penelope, sitting down.
     Jeff shrugged. "How about you?" he asked Pencil. Pencil was already sitting down, gobbling up his oatmeal.
     Jeff began walking back to the cool table, but not before he dropped an apple. It rolled towards Albert. He picked it up and looked at Jeff.
     "Oops," said Jeff, turning around and smirking. "I dropped something. Can you get that, footrest?"
     Albert's face reddened again. He was about to say something when a spoonful of oatmeal hit his face.
     The cool table laughed again. "Hey!" Pencil shouted, quieting them. "That's not cool!"
    "Aww, look at you defending the little--" but he didn't finish his sentence, because Pencil threw the remainder of his oatmeal at his face. 

     "Oh, it's on!" Jeff shouted, wiping oatmeal off his face. He grabbed a random kid's bowl and threw it, but it missed and hit Penelope instead. He gasped and stared.  

     Penelope slowly wiped the oatmeal out of her eyes and looked down. She then picked up her bowl of oatmeal and walked over to Jeff. He sputtered, trying to apologize, but Penelope dumped her bowl over his head. And then things got chaotic. 

     Students everywhere saw what was happening and began throwing oatmeal at each other. Teachers rushed in, trying to control the fighting, but only got covered in oatmeal. I'm the thick of it was Pencil, throwing food at anyone and everyone. 

     "Twenty points if you hit Ticonderoga!" Pencil shouted to Albert, who had oats dripping down his front. Albert grinned. He didn't usually break the rules, but this was really fun--plus Penelope seemed to be enjoying herself. 

     Finally, the principal ran into the eye of the storm, his usually immaculate appearance now dripping with oatmeal. "EVERYBODY STOP!" he screamed, holding up his hands and glaring at everyone. 

     So, the rest of the day was spent cleaning up the cafeteria. But to this day, people who witnessed the 'Foodfight heard 'round the world' and 'World War Three' say that they saw the teachers throwing oatmeal, too.